Bored and Depressed

 What a lethal combination! 

I'm bored with some of YT video reselling people. Please, no more trips to the Goodwill or the Thrift store. Or following you to the yard sales! Just bored silly. I've narrowed my viewing ship to about three people. The AP - he is so helpful and his no nonsense approach is what I prefer. DR is good too, thought he is in a category with a business plan that is 180 degrees different from mine, I still pick up good psychological coaching from him. My favorite "look what I found" is the AN who is so knowledgeable and so endearing that I thoroughly enjoy his jaunts into antique festivals etc. And, added points, he's from Kentucky,

I'm depressed for other reasons. My sales are okay. Not rocking like before (last year and earlier this year). But okay. I can net 1 grand a month still. My COG's are helter skelter, but I know when I'm in the profit zone because I mainly purchase lots. At the auction. And the Bins. 

I'm depressed because of my personal life. So much has happened in the past month. It was difficult leading up to the crash, but nothing like this. I like my anonymity. I loved being Alphawoman with only a very small group of people knowing who I was. The anonymity allowed me to explore my writing abilities, which I have to admit got pretty good. But, they have waned..I digress.

No one reads this humble little blog. It's for me. Yet, what if? Who cares.  Right? 

My step daughter passed away last month. It was not a shock as my LO and I were constantly saying " I fear She is not long for this world". She has been in and out of hospitals since May. Alcoholism and Drug addiction ruined her liver and ammonia build up destroyed her. I miss her. I have used her as a sounding board about LO. His dementia.  I realize it was a lot for a daughter to carry, but I did it for my Dad.

Me and Dad when I was a baby, He would have turned 102 the other day. He's been gone 13 years. 

I did not inherit much from either parent. I'm not certain where I get my personality traits, but when I think about the best of both my parents, I lack in evry category. Both had high IQ's in the 140's. I'm just a normal moron. Most of my siblings are extremely intelligent. I blame it on my big head (see picture) and the two days my Mom was in labor with me. Probably oxygen deprivation.  Lol. 

Both my parents were gregarious and had many many friends. They volunteered extensively. They were joiners, leaders. They were religious and faithful devout Catholics.

They were frugal and careful about money. When they died, the church was filled to capacity with people who came to honor their memory. I still occasionally hear a story of their generosity and support. I could go on but I'll stop here.

I have turned into an introvert. Maybe I always was one and just didn't know it or recognize it. I have lots of friends, had lots of friends growing up. Going to college. Always fit in at any place I worked. I do not shun away from people and hid, I just prefer to be alone.

Thus my problem with what is happening with my LO. I can not leave him alone any longer. If I am gone for more than an hour, he takes to the street looking for me. 

I have to take him with me everywhere. I hate it. It's not fair to him the way I react, the way I feel. He did not ask to become sick. I took these vows for better or worse. I remember.

Be careful what you wish for. I wanted to be married so badly. And now I am. Now I have to pay the piper.

That's it for now. Needed to write.